It was the same fight for the umpteenth time—yet not the same one. It was a month before my wedding to Sally. We were finalising most of the items to avoid excess pressure as the D-date drew nearer. We were finally at the homestretch after a year of planning and executing three traditional ceremonies and other aspects of life.
It had been a long year, and having a wonderful wedding ceremony was a welcome idea. As we made the final decisions about some of the wedding choices, we got to one of the contentious issues between Sally and me.
“Now to the dress…Have you checked on it with the new tailor?” I asked.
“New tailor?” She asked.
“Yeah. Didn’t you find a cheaper dress from a different vendor?” I asked.
“Oh, no. I am still getting it from the same vendor,” she replied.
“I’m glad to hear that you found a cheaper one that you like from the same vendor,” I said, smiling.
“It’s the same dress, actually,” Sally responded.
“I thought she couldn’t give you a discount?” I asked.
“She didn’t. Henry offered to top up the amount you’d set aside, as his wedding gift,” Sally said.
“Henry did what? When were you going to tell me about this? Why is he involved in this?” I asked angrily.
“I knew this was how you’d react, which was why I didn’t tell you before,” Sally replied, defensively.
“Why is another man buying your gown? How else should I react?” I asked.
“He is my best friend! He understood how badly I wanted the gown and offered to top me up as his gift,” Sally said.
I had had enough of the best friend excuse. Henry had been a recurring issue in our relationship from early on. It was one thing for her to have a male best friend, but it was another for there to be blurred lines. At first, I had a hard time with how much time they spent together, but that changed when Henry moved to another city.
His physical absence was replaced with long conversations. Sally leaned on Henry for so much. Sometimes she’d come back with a different perspective on a matter after a discussion, and I could tell she had spoken to Henry about it. Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t always bad advice. I just felt like he didn’t need to be part of many aspects of our lives.
When he was around, if I wasn’t available, Sally would ask him to take her to the garage and run other errands. It was the kind of stuff that, as a man, you feel you should be the one your woman looks to when they come up. At some point, I wondered if they had ever dated, and she denied it, claiming that they weren’t each other’s type.
I loved Sally and had hoped that Henry’s grip on her would loosen as we got more serious. She had argued that she had known him longer than I and it was unfair for me to ask her to abandon an old friendship that had served her for years.
Typically, I wasn’t the jealous kind. I had female friends, but our dynamics differed from Sally and Henry’s. Their friendship had always bothered me.
“When did Henry become part of the conversation on your gown?” I asked Sally.
“He took me gown-hunting after you said the one I had chosen was too expensive,” Sally responded.
“You say it as though we didn’t have a conversation on finances and decided that a longer honeymoon mattered more than the gown,” I told her.
“You decided we needed to cut down on the cost of the dress,” said Sally.
“I decided? Sally, I decided? Didn’t we do a run-down on the costs after your parents insisted on changing the venue to the expensive hotel and decided we needed to cut costs on some items?” I asked.
“Sure thing! Let’s blame my parents. Have you forgotten your mother invited all your extended family?” Sally asked.
“I’m well aware of the inconvenience. The issue at hand is Henry. Can we do away with the planned honeymoon then, if the gown means that much to you?” I asked.
“You would cancel our honeymoon not to have Henry contribute to the gown? Would it matter if Henry were female?” Sally asked.
“But he’s not,” I replied.
We had a back-and-forth on the matter, but couldn’t find a solution. We went to bed. I hardly slept. I was not going to deal with Henry’s drama any longer.
“Sally, are you awake?” I asked.
“Yes. I can’t find sleep,” she replied.
“I can’t see any other way of dealing with this… I can’t walk down the aisle knowing you’re still close friends with Henry. I can’t have such fights for the rest of my life,” I said.
“Are you saying you won’t marry me unless I end my friendship with Henry?” Sally asked.
“Yes. That’s what it’s come to. I have talked to you extensively about having clear boundaries to no avail. It feels like we’re three people in this relationship,” I told her.
She sobbed and accused me of being insecure. She offered to forfeit the dress and get another if she could keep her friendship with Henry, but that only cemented my decision. Calling off the wedding was difficult since people wanted details, and I had no desire to share them. Losing Sally hurt, but her choosing Henry over us again hurt me even more.
Source: Potentash
